In the West marriages do not last long. Single men and women have just one-night stands for sex sans attachment. In Orient culture one loves the girl one marries. Companionship is prized for emotional stability.

THE MARITAL lives of men and women in the West are different from their counterparts in the East.. This line in circulation for a long time is: 'A Weterner marries the girl he loves; an Easterner marries first and loves the girl he has married'. It is beyond belief to some but is true for all. One fine evening when some friends and I were having a leisurely chat over a drink, a young man from Harvard expressed his sense of surprise about how could a man marry a girl he knows not, rather has never met. Well, it has been happening for a long time, may be for many millennia, and the institution of marriage in the East in general and in India in particular has stood the test of time.

LIVING ALONE SANS SEX

In the West the rate of divorce is rather high. The girls are economically and socially independent. So are the husbands. The day there are too many arguments on minor points and the husband does not see eye to eye with the wife, they just file for divorce. Naturally, both spouses live independently but alone. Those who cannot live without the company of the opposite sex, look for company. Fresh from divorce proceedings, none of the spouses wish to go through that torture and life full of silly arguments again. So far so good. What about having sex? Well, sex without an emotional attachment may be okay in the West. It is there that the necessity of one-night stands come in. It is gaining popularity with both men and women day by day. The unwritten silent understanding is: ask no questions and you will be told no lies. Just have it and by the first light of the dawn be on your way out. No attachments thereafter.

In the East when I mentioned to friends, male and female, about the concept of one-night stand, they were horrified. In the oriental concept marriage precedes sex. If the spouses do not find compatibility in bed and in life too, they may have a silent agreement to ignore each other to avoid arguments Nevertheless, both continue living under the same roof. Sex is a necessity of all humans and it satisfies both body and mind. Never mind lack of compatibility, just have it. This is just a different kind of one-night stand or may be one-week stand. Both are back to square one and rediscover their incompatibility. The silent non-cooperation begins afresh.

A STRANGER IN HOUSE

There are men and women who look for houses of estranged couples. It does not take long to find one. Where lack of love has created a vacuum, the stranger makes inroads quietly. Before the estranged couple realise it the stranger becomes a quasi-resident of the house and the way to sharing the bed is so easy thereafter. The marriage is crowded then with one too many. The three just tolerate one another and life ambles along. Some say that this quiet arrangement is better than looking for partners for one-night stand every now and then. NIYOG or having a baby from another person with the permission of the husband or wife is not frowned upon because it has the sanction of scriptures.

A stranger can give a baby but it will be a short term arrangement like the one-night stand. Permanent emotional stability is the outcome of a life of love. What a legally married and loving spouse can give in the shape of emotional stability, no one else can give. Moral of the story is: get married, remain married, love the spouse and find emotional stability.