Are live-ins here to stay?
Live-in relationships are a growing phenomenon, live and let live seems to be the mantra. Live-in relationships are still not acceptable in India but times are changing. Would that mean even relationships are changing?
However the meaning of the relationship remains different to almost all people. Some say why should anyone have a problem if two people want to stay together? Some believe it is merely a relationship of convenience. What is confusing about live-in is the fact that it’s not clearly defined. Infact there are no definitions, no limitations, no restrictions and no boundaries.
I could find a lot of takers for live-in but nearly everyone had a different reason to accept it. Yamini, a CA puts her attractive points of live-in
- Live-in safer than marriage
- Freedom to walk out anytime without juggling with trips to the court.
No compulsions to answer what, why and where of everything Here one decides to live in with the guy and not the family so there’s no social burden of the family.
But Nidhi refutes this saying that these are merely notions that one carries. “ I had been in a live-in for the past four years. When I entered the relationship, I thought it would be free life for me but in not more than half an year I realised that nothing’s as simple. We both had to compromise on a lot of things, simply because we wanted it to work. Yes, though we always had an option of walking out but where would that have led us anyways, another live-in? Four years and we behaved as good as any other married couple and that’s when we decided to marry. Today, I am married to the same guy and the only change I see is that our families are a happier lot, though we continue to live life as we always did. So I guess it’s all about the will to be with that one person, if that lacks nothing would work, be it marriage or live-in.”
On the same lines says ND, "I tried working out on my relationship, we stayed in a live-in for two years but could not manage further and that is when we decided to call it quits. I am 31 today and still single but that is not an issue. I am not against lifelong-relationships but probably haven’t met the right person till now. And have no qualms in trying life with people until I really find my Mr Perfect. It’s not anymore about live-in or marriage, it’s just about being able to do what I want to."
With this we can say that though there are people who enter into live-in with no expectations of marriage, many others take this as a ’litmus-test’ to check the waters on both sides. Their grounds to enter live-in being:
What strikes the most in all these cases is the ’I’ factor, here everyone is I-centric but the fact is that we live in a social world, we come from somewhere and belong to somewhere, what happens to the respective families involved? Arshi, a young journalist, confesses that her brother is in a live-in and she doesn’t approve of it. She says, “What he does effects the whole family and if ever he wants to be with someone he could have always married that person. Why live-in? I am not game for it because I think living in a social world we need to respect the social systems around.”
A relationship has to have some value, the issue is not about live-in but the respect that the bond deserves. If one camouflages 'relationship of convenience’ by calling it live-in, it de-values the core of that bond.
This is the new fad that has come up with Gen-i (Individual), live-in to measure the level of compatibility and if you don’t fit the perfect perfection, you split and then try testing your relationship quotient with someone else. No 'it’s not a game, it’s dead serious'. In the metros, the trend is catching up and is here to stay but metros hardly reflect the nation that India is. India continues to be a conservative society, sex is not something that is discussed in public and parents would still like their kids to live the happy family way. But at the same time, change is the spice of life. That’s where the conflict arises from.
With the Supreme Court validating long-term live-in relationships, live-in arrangements have received the legal tag and are increasingly becoming popular in India.
A research by Nick Powdthavee at the University of Warwick, United Kingdom, claims married men and women derive satisfaction from their spouse’s happiness unlike those people who live together without marriage. Powdthavee studied the lives of 9,704 married individuals and found that a married person is significantly happier in life if his/her partner is leading a cheerful life but could find no signs of such an effect on couples who were simply cohabiting.
But Nidhi refutes this saying that these are merely notions that one carries. “ I had been in a live-in for the past four years. When I entered the relationship, I thought it would be free life for me but in not more than half an year I realised that nothing’s as simple. We both had to compromise on a lot of things, simply because we wanted it to work. Yes, though we always had an option of walking out but where would that have led us anyways, another live-in? Four years and we behaved as good as any other married couple and that’s when we decided to marry. Today, I am married to the same guy and the only change I see is that our families are a happier lot, though we continue to live life as we always did. So I guess it’s all about the will to be with that one person, if that lacks nothing would work, be it marriage or live-in.”
On the same lines says ND, "I tried working out on my relationship, we stayed in a live-in for two years but could not manage further and that is when we decided to call it quits. I am 31 today and still single but that is not an issue. I am not against lifelong-relationships but probably haven’t met the right person till now. And have no qualms in trying life with people until I really find my Mr Perfect. It’s not anymore about live-in or marriage, it’s just about being able to do what I want to."
With this we can say that though there are people who enter into live-in with no expectations of marriage, many others take this as a ’litmus-test’ to check the waters on both sides. Their grounds to enter live-in being:
- Compatibility test
- Conserve time and energy by living together while they are already doing the same being at one or the other’s place
- Few also came up with this idea of better economics, share and live
What strikes the most in all these cases is the ’I’ factor, here everyone is I-centric but the fact is that we live in a social world, we come from somewhere and belong to somewhere, what happens to the respective families involved? Arshi, a young journalist, confesses that her brother is in a live-in and she doesn’t approve of it. She says, “What he does effects the whole family and if ever he wants to be with someone he could have always married that person. Why live-in? I am not game for it because I think living in a social world we need to respect the social systems around.”
A relationship has to have some value, the issue is not about live-in but the respect that the bond deserves. If one camouflages 'relationship of convenience’ by calling it live-in, it de-values the core of that bond.
This is the new fad that has come up with Gen-i (Individual), live-in to measure the level of compatibility and if you don’t fit the perfect perfection, you split and then try testing your relationship quotient with someone else. No 'it’s not a game, it’s dead serious'. In the metros, the trend is catching up and is here to stay but metros hardly reflect the nation that India is. India continues to be a conservative society, sex is not something that is discussed in public and parents would still like their kids to live the happy family way. But at the same time, change is the spice of life. That’s where the conflict arises from.
With the Supreme Court validating long-term live-in relationships, live-in arrangements have received the legal tag and are increasingly becoming popular in India.
A research by Nick Powdthavee at the University of Warwick, United Kingdom, claims married men and women derive satisfaction from their spouse’s happiness unlike those people who live together without marriage. Powdthavee studied the lives of 9,704 married individuals and found that a married person is significantly happier in life if his/her partner is leading a cheerful life but could find no signs of such an effect on couples who were simply cohabiting.
All said and done, live-in is a big decision and should be taken keeping everything in mind. Relationships form the very essence of us as social beings, lets make our decisions with utmost clarity.
 | Previous Post |
| Next Post |  |
.Bahanji , Mr. Perfect with sleek design does not exists , Mr. Probable may be possible . Why a guy is Mr. Wrong before marriage and after marriage same guy becomes Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect for other women . . .
.Live in is Pay per use Facility , With renewal facility too or you can switch your service provider . . .
.Live in is nothing but Marriage as Service (MAS). If you are not satisfied with your service provider you can switch on to another service provider . . . The marriage is also becoming hitech WOW .. . Mahiloan Ki Chandi . . .
.Bahanji , This is for the benefit for youwomen . This is the governments new get rich quick scheme you women. Aap logon ki Chandi . If in one year you have 12 Live in relationships and guys happens to be rich . You girls can make lot of money .
.Good One!! But I kind of am of the opinion that in today's materialistic world in this relationship by default its only a woman who would be at loss always and never vice versa. And again during the stone age was there marriages or was it live-ins? Live-ins are a much older relationship than marriage they have thrived and survived until now. Again in todays India are marriages any different from live-ins they happes and breakup even before they step into their house.
.It should be left to the couple what they want out of their relationship. Would they marry later or continue to cohabit life long should be definite at the beginning only. If a relationship cannot provide mental solace, it is not worth that, any effort should be put into it.
.Tolerance something most needed in relationships to work will be low as there is the ease to simply walk out with no baggage. With new court rules it will also mean a bonus for women to claim alimony. Live-in also gives married women a threat from over ambitious unmarried women who might be ready to take over her house. Yeh people will refute that everyone is mature. But if they were really that mature then they would not have any problems with getting married or the either side of the story is that court laws makes it very hard in India to get divorced where court does not believe that 2 adults can decide that they no longer want to remain married. No!!! the court must decide - some Judge who has not lived with the couple reads over a few pages and can decide the fate of 2 lives who themselves cannot decide!!!
Login
 Login through Social ID
|
