I WAS recently to shift with a friend of mine but could not as she decided otherwise, to shift in with her guy (boyfriend). No, of course I did not raise an eyebrow, it’s not shocking anymore!
Live-in relationships have been around for quite some time and are here to stay. Of course, the warm nod of acceptance continues to elude such an arrangement. But it has still made a room for itself. Masses in India might not welcome such relationships but everyone knows what live-in is!
However the meaning of the relationship remains different to almost all people. Some say why should anyone have a problem if two people want to stay together? Some believe it is merely a relationship of convenience. What is confusing about live-in is the fact that it’s not clearly defined. Infact there are no definitions, no limitations, no restrictions and no boundaries.
I could find a lot of takers for live-in but nearly everyone had a different reason to accept it. Yamini, a CA puts her attractive points of live-in
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Live-in safer than marriage
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Freedom to walk out anytime without juggling with trips to the court.
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No compulsions to answer what, why and where of everything
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Here one decides to live in with the guy and not the family so there’s no social burden of the family.
But Nidhi refutes this saying that these are merely notions that one carries. “ I had been in a live-in for the past four years. When I entered the relationship, I thought it would be free life for me but in not more than half an year I realised that nothing’s as simple. We both had to compromise on a lot of things, simply because we wanted it to work. Yes, though we always had an option of walking out but where would that have led us anyways, another live-in? Four years and we behaved as good as any other married couple and that’s when we decided to marry. Today, I am married to the same guy and the only change I see is that our families are a happier lot, though we continue to live life as we always did. So I guess it’s all about the will to be with that one person, if that lacks nothing would work, be it marriage or live-in.”
On the same lines says ND, "I tried working out on my relationship, we stayed in a live-in for two years but could not manage further and that is when we decided to call it quits. I am 31 today and still single but that is not an issue. I am not against lifelong-relationships but probably haven’t met the right person till now. And have no qualms in trying life with people until I really find my Mr Perfect. It’s not anymore about
live-in or marriage, it’s just about being able to do what I want to."
With this we can say that though there are people who enter into live-in with no expectations of marriage, many others take this as a ’litmus-test’ to check the waters on both sides. Their grounds to enter live-in being:
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Compatibility test
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Conserve time and energy by living together while they are already doing the same being at one or the other’s place
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Few also came up with this idea of better economics, share and live
What strikes the most in all these cases is the ’I’ factor, here everyone is I-centric but the fact is that we live in a social world, we come from somewhere and belong to somewhere, what happens to the respective families involved? Arshi, a young journalist, confesses that her brother is in a live-in and she doesn’t approve of it. She says, “What he does effects the whole family and if ever he wants to be with someone he could have always married that person. Why live-in? I am not game for it because I think living in a social world we need to respect the social systems around.”
A relationship has to have some value, the issue is not about live-in but the respect that the bond deserves. If one camouflages 'relationship of convenience’ by calling it live-in, it de-values the core of that bond.
This is the new fad that has come up with Gen-i (Individual), live-in to measure the level of compatibility and if you don’t fit the perfect perfection, you split and then try testing your relationship quotient with someone else. No 'it’s not a game, it’s dead serious'. In the metros, the trend is catching up and is here to stay but metros hardly reflect the nation that India is. India continues to be a conservative society, sex is not something that is discussed in public and parents would still like their kids to live the happy family way. But at the same time, change is the spice of life. That’s where the conflict arises from.
With the Supreme Court validating long-term
live-in relationships, live-in arrangements have received the legal tag and are increasingly becoming popular in India.
A research by Nick Powdthavee at the University of Warwick, United Kingdom, claims married men and women derive satisfaction from their spouse’s happiness unlike those people who live together without marriage. Powdthavee studied the lives of 9,704 married individuals and found that a married person is significantly happier in life if his/her partner is leading a cheerful life but could find no signs of such an effect on couples who were simply cohabiting.
All said and done, live-in is a big decision and should be taken keeping everything in mind. Relationships form the very essence of us as social beings, lets make our decisions with utmost clarity.
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