WHIMPERING IN HER dream struggling through the dark shadows she hears a deafening, uncontrollable, tantalizing, horrendous scream — one that can shatter your inner being into a million pieces. This is the story of Nandita, 13, who is incapable of gathering sound sleep. Even if she sleeps with the help of tranquilizers, she is unable to wake up because she doesn’t want to face the world.

 

On being asked why this is happening to her, she simply keeps shut. The only part she dares to reveal is that the scream is of a woman in pain and probably she is being tortured. The lamentations don’t go away. She wants to lock herself and die. After a series of therapy sessions and counseling, Nandita admits that since the age of seven she was molested by her relatives and was living with the hurt — embarrassed and guilty. She was a victim of sexual child abuse.

 

There are millions of children in the world who are victims of child abuse in one way or the other. What does it take for someone to carry out such a horrendous crime? Children are vulnerable and they easily bestow their trust in others. Do those villains, who commit this gross act, ever feel ashamed or guilty? They not only devastate the trust of a child at such a tender age, but also crush his childhood.

 

Rahul Rai, director of Indian Institute of Human Rights, says, “Child abuse is one of the most prevalent crimes in the society today. The culprits take refuge in our cultural set up. Neither the parents nor the children are aware of their rights. India has a set of the most extensive child rights under the United Nations yet their implementation cannot be seen.”

 

“Teachers and parents need to undergo massive counseling sessions in order to curb this social evil. The state needs to play a big role in this aspect. Unfortunately, parents are also responsible to a great extent for this criminal offence. A research conducted by our institute showed most of the criminals are well known to the children as well as the family. Seldom does it happen that a stranger tries to sodomize a child,” says Rahul.

 

Nandita is undergoing treatment for being sexually abused but her fears will live with her forever. If one boils down to facts, there are a number of such instances wherein you can feel the pain and anger of these innocent victims. But, this is way beyond what comes out in the daylight. Children are the society’s soul. Today’s kids are the youths of tomorrow and it is our moral duty to keep them secure and happy.

 

Says Dr Rajat Mitra, director of Swanchetan, a well-known non-profit working for the cause of children, “Child abuse is a very serious crime and its implications are likely to be visible on a whole generation of children. A series of scripted violence and abuse will be cascaded by the victims if no one hears their cry soon. Parents are also responsible for letting their children suffer.”

 

But what can be done to prevent this? “There are no safe institutions or policies to defend the rights of the children. Awareness needs to be created on a large scale. If a child turns up for help, teachers must be equipped with the ability to handle such a situation. The mothers often feel scared to raise their voice if the criminal is the father or a close family member. The government will only take action when it is shaken up. We need to build public opinion and bring out the extent of abuse and trauma.”

 

Kanika, 15, is studying in a girl’s boarding school in Mussoorie. She is a typical introvert who is always confined to her room and is away from the regular hustle bustle of the school activities. She is an intelligent child but her grades were constantly dropping. She confided in one of her teachers about the fact that her uncle had molested her several times in the past two years at home. She felt that her boarding was the safest place as no man could reach her there. She also revealed yet another astonishing fact that she was scared to go near her father: “What if he also does that to me?”

 

The humiliation and dejection faced by children who undergo abuse cannot be described in words. We keep gushing about self-respect and dignity, but our children are losing out on theirs right in front of our eyes. We are standing and watching like silent spectators, speechless and dumbfounded.

 

Child abuse is the act of causing or permitting any harm or offence to the child’s body, including any communication or transaction that is likely to hurt, humiliate or frighten the child. Any kind of neglect — pertaining to the nurturing of the child — also comes under this category.

 

According to the Child Abuse Prevention Act, it is the act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker that results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation or an act or failure to act that presents an imminent risk of serious harm.

 

Rehaan, 9, is one aggressive kid who cannot keep his temper under control. Two years back his parents had undergone a divorce following which he went to stay with his mother. Rehaan had barely recovered from the fact that his father had abandoned him as on account of another woman that his mother too started going around with someone else. She constantly blamed Rehaan for the misery in her life and held him responsible for all the distress. She often told him that he was no better than his father and she wanted to get rid of him. She hit him mercilessly, locked him and made him kneel down for hours at end. The only place where Rehaan could vent his emotions was his school. He would bully other children, harass them as he felt he was worthless and unloved.

 

Nishi and Sarthak are married since six years. Both of them believe in working hard and partying harder. They hardly spend an hour everyday with Varun, 5, their only son who is left at the mercy of Girija, their maid. On the weekends, they are either drinking or visiting friends. They do not take Varun out and feel that he is a burden. As a result, Varun is extremely detached from his parents and has often plunged into self-destructive activities. Even at the tender age of five, he envies other children his age who get proper love and attention from their parents. The child is already showing symptoms of depression.

 

Another dominant feature of child abuse is physical abuse. This includes inflicting injury upon the child in the form of burning, hitting, punching, shaking, kicking, beating or otherwise harming the child. The parents may not have intended to hurt the child, but any injury thus inflicted is not an accident. This sort of injury is not only harmful physically, but has far reaching mental implications.

 

Spare the rod and spoil the child is probably the most famous proverb. But, the consequences can be extremely dangerous. Parents need to realize that raising children is not a piece of cake. They need to work on their mental health before rectifying their children. No human being has the right to give birth to another individual thinking he/she is an image if the self. Every child is a different individual who has his own thought pattern and emotions. One cannot say that a child is good or bad on the basis of his origin. Good parents do not raise good children; it is the parenting skills that make all the difference. Trying to teach children by applying harsh means is a sin. It turns the child into a nervous wreck. He loses the sense of judgment and becomes incapable of taking decisions.

 

Dahlia, 12, is one of the brightest students in her class. She is always engrossed in her books and refuses to play with other children. Even after getting the highest grades in class she is constantly under pressure. Her mother wants her to get full marks. When she fails to do so, she gets beaten up.

 

All parents want their children to excel in class, but this does not mean that they should use volatile means to get their children to study. They need to make their children understand the benefits of studying and scoring well in class. Broken fingers and shaken feelings cannot help in any way. Moreover, parents also need to understand that every child has his own capacity and not everybody can be Einstein. Certain parents want their children to accomplish things they have failed to do. For god’s sake stop showering your child with irrelevant demands.

 

In an interview with Nandini Rao, a counselor working with a non-profit, Jagori, said the entire concept of violence is structural. Several social nexus maintain the silence. The legal system does not let the people take their problems to the law. Abuse is kept quiet and it’s the children who face the guilt, not the offenders. There is no support for the children to get over their anguish. The entire education system is to be blamed. Beating and other forms of punishment are still practised in schools. This cannot help the child to grow and nurture. What we need to do is ask for help from responsible adults. She also stated that several studies show that children who are abused start seeing the world with a different perspective altogether. Their attitudes might range from being good citizens to aggressive ones. It is necessary for us to interact with the child and detect if he is going through any trauma.

The ugliest form of child abuse is sexual abuse. It is the inappropriate sexual behaviour with a child. It includes fondling a child’s genitals, making the child fondle the adult’s genitals, intercourse, incest, rape, sodomy, exhibitionism and sexual exploitation. To be considered child abuse, these acts have to be committed by a person responsible for the care of a child or related to the child. If a stranger commits such an act, it becomes a sexual assault and needs to be handled solely by the police and criminal courts.

Sexual abuse is the worst form of child abuse. It inculcates feelings of guilt, mistrust and depression in the child. Children are innocent victims of such a heinous crime. The very act leaves scars that take a lifetime to heal. This leaves the child in fear of being unsafe with his own caretakers in body boundaries and image, in the modulation of feelings and naming them and most importantly in the loss of self.

 

Had motherhood been that easy it would have never started with a word called labour. A major part of parenting lies on the shoulders of the mother. As a parent, there are certain things you must adopt to avoid your child from being victimized in any way.

Rajiv Halder, director of Prayas Institute of Juvenile Home for Children, says, “Child abuse is an evil of grave concern. The organization works in collaboration with the Delhi Police and takes action against crimes reported for child abuse. As per the National Study on Child Abuse — completed for the Government of India and scheduled for release on March 30 — children are being victimized everywhere. Ignorance, insensitivity and lack of a proper child protection system are the underlying causes of this social evil. Rajiv Halder further adds that there is a need for training the parents and teachers in this regard as child abuse can create a life long inferiority complex and abnormality.”

 
Here are some ways the crime can be avoided at home: