Dowry: Eliminate this scourge

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Dowry: Eliminate this scourge

The scourge of dowry has put down roots. Why this has not been eliminated? Who is to be blamed for the continuation of this evil practice? Why should a woman feel that she is being commoditised? Why should she be made to feel that she is inferior?

CJ: shipra

Sun, Nov 09, 2008 14:08:41 IST

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IT IS an issue that has been raised for many years but the practice has taken root. I am talking about the most dangerous disease pervading the society, viz., ‘dowry’. The dowry system is so deeply rooted in Indian society that there seems to be no way out. As soon as a girl is born, her parents start saving money for her. This is not only the case with the uneducated class but also the case with the educated class. Even the educated class patronises this tradition. Dowry is one of the major reasons why parents do not wish to have a girl child. That is why sometimes they kill her in the womb of the mother, so they do not have to undergo the pressure of fulfilling the never-ending demands of her in-laws. As reported many times, women are burnt alive by in-laws who suffer from this disease called dowry and many are still putting up with this injustice citing tradition.

It all started with the parents giving their beloved daughter a gift or gifts at the time of marriage, depending upon their status and finances. But now it has become mandatory. ‘The gift from parents has become a demand from in-laws.’ Sometimes the gifts get so exorbitant that the girl’s parents have to invest whatever they have earned all their life. No girl is wholeheartedly accepted without dowry. In most cases, the happiness of a girl is related to the wealth she brings in. This is all the fault of parents who started this practice and again it is the fault of parents who continue this practice lest their daughter should remain unmarried. I would say it is better to remain unmarried than get married and remain unhappy all the same.

My parents laugh at me when I say that I will not permit them to give dowry during my marriage. They think that I am a child and hence don’t understand the norms of this cruel society. The demand for dowry makes a girl feel that she is a curse and not a blessing. Being a girl, whenever one talks about dowry, I feel I am worthless. I do not have the privilege of leading a dignified life which is every individual’s right. My condition is worse than that of even a commodity that we can purchase with money. I dread that I will be exchanged for money; else I need to offer the money myself. This thought haunts me and it is killing me from the inside. I am an independent girl and a lovely child of God. How can I allow anyone to place a price on me? Instead of leading a life that makes me feel inferior, I would love to live alone, leading a dignified life. What is more, I would recommend this strategy to every girl.

In-laws need to understand that education is the best gift. Education has more value in the present-day society. It is a wealth which multiplies with sharing and no one can steal it from you. The best kind of education is the education that imparts values and morality and a person who is so educated will never demand dowry.

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Posted comments (11)

	My father retired when I was studying in 8th standard and my elder brother had just finished 12th standard. We stayed in Delhi after his retirement and I got to know the dowry system very well and decided that I will not marry any one who will think that my parents will give dowry. I had choosen the guy of my choice who was OK not to have any dowry. Both of us were equally qualified and infact I was earning much better that him.The initial days were perfectly fine but after the birth of my daughter my in laws also moved with us. During many conversations my mother in law tried to tell me that in there customs no one marries off there daugher without dowry etc. I then decided and told her once Actually your son should have given the dowry to my parents who had invested all there hard earned money whose fruits you all are enjoying. Post that day she never got the guts to say anything to me.
	\| 03 November 2009 Reply to Comment \| New Comment \| Report Abuse

	I TOO HAVE A DAUGHTER ONE DAY I ALSO HAVE TO PAY .BUT NOW A DAYS SEEN IS CHANGING AND IT WILL TAKE TIME .NO WOMEN IS INFERIOR THEN THE MALE .WOMEN ARE RATHER SUPIRIOR TO AS BECAUSE THEY ARE THE CREATORS OR THE JANANI
	\| 31 December 2008 Reply to Comment \| New Comment \| Report Abuse

	Shipra , I totally agree with your views , I am sure you will get a man who will marry you for love and not dowry . But you belong to 2% of honest women in India . What about the 98% who file false dowry cases to extort money . Are you aware that every day twice the number of marraied men commit suicide . 120,000 women are arrested in the name of Dowry harrasment each year . Trust me you might be a victim of it too , if your Brother-in-Law's wife files a False dowry harrasment case against you . The govt must have strict rules against dowry and dowry harrasment cases .ALL marraige registration certificates must have the seal of the Dowry prohibition offcer , and such brides/families of the brides must not be allowed to file 498A cases . The unfortunate event is that girls like Shipra are very hard to find and constitute only 2% of the honest society .We are not againt the real dowry takes but the ones who use laws of India to unleash legal terrorism on the innocent men and women of India .
	\| 11 November 2008 Reply to Comment \| New Comment \| Report Abuse

I agree if women file false cases then it is a crime too. But I don't think that there are only 2% of honest women. I am not against anyone or I am not saying that this does not happen. What I am only saying is 'Please Don't Take Dowry'. If nobody will take dowry then how women would be able to file false cases? Atleast for avoiding this situation, don't take Dowry.....

Shipra | 11 November 2008

"If nobody will take dowry then how women would be able to file false cases? " Thats is EXACTLY not the case in India , and that is EXCTLY the case we would want it to make in India . Now the scenario is that any woman can walk into a Police staion and pay Rs 10,000 bribe and file a False Dowry harrasment case and the entire Husbands family including his women ( sisters , Mothers , sister in laws ) gets arrested . There is no investigation done . The wife is supported by the male members of her family also . So the men are also are fault . The fight is not between men and women , it is between right and wrong , good and bad and men and women are on either side . You can never put loosely drafted laws in the hands of the unscrupolus men and women, tis what happens . The problem here is that the people ( men and women ) are miusing the laws that were created with the good intention of protecting them .We in our fight are supported by our sisters, sister in laws and mothers wo have got falsely accussed and arrested . The problem in India now is that " Not taking dowry has got nothing to do with Not getting a false case against you " . You will be surprised that according to the Govt 98% of all dowry cases are false . I can cite 100s of news paper articles where the police have themselves confirmed this . Is the pain of a mother who son has committed suicide due to dowry law harrasment any less that the pain of a mother whose daughter commited suicide due to dowry and the SHOCKING fact is that twice the number of married men commit sucide everyday than married women . How will you you fix this issue ?

Arnab | 11 November 2008

Mr.Ganguly, your topic needs to be debated by itself instead of taking the onus away from the topic being discussed here viz., 'eradication of dowry'. I agree with Shipra's views in this context. Also would like to state that it is upon the women to disagree paying dowry against will. However, if they are opulent enough to follow the system, they should feel content with their "purchase" and excise their rights as a paid customer :).. Finally, evolution will take it's toll... traditions do fade and cultures evolve. With such strong voices from educated and independant women, the end to this meaningless tradition is not far!

D | 02 October 2009

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