Dowry: Eliminate this scourge
The scourge of dowry has put down roots. Why this has not been eliminated? Who is to be blamed for the continuation of this evil practice? Why should a woman feel that she is being commoditised? Why should she be made to feel that she is inferior?
It all started with the parents giving their beloved daughter a gift or gifts at the time of marriage, depending upon their status and finances. But now it has become mandatory. ‘The gift from parents has become a demand from in-laws.’ Sometimes the gifts get so exorbitant that the girl’s parents have to invest whatever they have earned all their life. No girl is wholeheartedly accepted without dowry. In most cases, the happiness of a girl is related to the wealth she brings in. This is all the fault of parents who started this practice and again it is the fault of parents who continue this practice lest their daughter should remain unmarried. I would say it is better to remain unmarried than get married and remain unhappy all the same.
My parents laugh at me when I say that I will not permit them to give dowry during my marriage. They think that I am a child and hence don’t understand the norms of this cruel society. The demand for dowry makes a girl feel that she is a curse and not a blessing. Being a girl, whenever one talks about dowry, I feel I am worthless. I do not have the privilege of leading a dignified life which is every individual’s right. My condition is worse than that of even a commodity that we can purchase with money. I dread that I will be exchanged for money; else I need to offer the money myself. This thought haunts me and it is killing me from the inside. I am an independent girl and a lovely child of God. How can I allow anyone to place a price on me? Instead of leading a life that makes me feel inferior, I would love to live alone, leading a dignified life. What is more, I would recommend this strategy to every girl.
In-laws need to understand that education is the best gift. Education has more value in the present-day society. It is a wealth which multiplies with sharing and no one can steal it from you. The best kind of education is the education that imparts values and morality and a person who is so educated will never demand dowry.
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.My father retired when I was studying in 8th standard and my elder brother had just finished 12th standard. We stayed in Delhi after his retirement and I got to know the dowry system very well and decided that I will not marry any one who will think that my parents will give dowry. I had choosen the guy of my choice who was OK not to have any dowry. Both of us were equally qualified and infact I was earning much better that him.
The initial days were perfectly fine but after the birth of my daughter my in laws also moved with us. During many conversations my mother in law tried to tell me that in there customs no one marries off there daugher without dowry etc. I then decided and told her once Actually your son should have given the dowry to my parents who had invested all there hard earned money whose fruits you all are enjoying. Post that day she never got the guts to say anything to me.
.I TOO HAVE A DAUGHTER ONE DAY I ALSO HAVE TO PAY .BUT NOW A DAYS SEEN IS CHANGING AND IT WILL TAKE TIME .NO WOMEN IS INFERIOR THEN THE MALE .WOMEN ARE RATHER SUPIRIOR TO AS BECAUSE THEY ARE THE CREATORS OR THE JANANI
.Shipra , I totally agree with your views , I am sure you will get a man who will marry you for love and not dowry . But you belong to 2% of honest women in India . What about the 98% who file false dowry cases to extort money . Are you aware that every day twice the number of marraied men commit suicide . 120,000 women are arrested in the name of Dowry harrasment each year . Trust me you might be a victim of it too , if your Brother-in-Law's wife files a False dowry harrasment case against you . The govt must have strict rules against dowry and dowry harrasment cases .ALL marraige registration certificates must have the seal of the Dowry prohibition offcer , and such brides/families of the brides must not be allowed to file 498A cases . The unfortunate event is that girls like Shipra are very hard to find and constitute only 2% of the honest society .We are not againt the real dowry takes but the ones who use laws of India to unleash legal terrorism on the innocent men and women of India .
Mr.Ganguly, your topic needs to be debated by itself instead of taking the onus away from the topic being discussed here viz., 'eradication of dowry'.
I agree with Shipra's views in this context. Also would like to state that it is upon the women to disagree paying dowry against will. However, if they are opulent enough to follow the system, they should feel content with their "purchase" and excise their rights as a paid customer :)..
Finally, evolution will take it's toll... traditions do fade and cultures evolve. With such strong voices from educated and independant women, the end to this meaningless tradition is not far!
"If nobody will take dowry then how women would be able to file false cases? " Thats is EXACTLY not the case in India , and that is EXCTLY the case we would want it to make in India . Now the scenario is that any woman can walk into a Police staion and pay Rs 10,000 bribe and file a False Dowry harrasment case and the entire Husbands family including his women ( sisters , Mothers , sister in laws ) gets arrested . There is no investigation done . The wife is supported by the male members of her family also . So the men are also are fault . The fight is not between men and women , it is between right and wrong , good and bad and men and women are on either side . You can never put loosely drafted laws in the hands of the unscrupolus men and women, tis what happens . The problem here is that the people ( men and women ) are miusing the laws that were created with the good intention of protecting them .We in our fight are supported by our sisters, sister in laws and mothers wo have got falsely accussed and arrested . The problem in India now is that " Not taking dowry has got nothing to do with Not getting a false case against you " . You will be surprised that according to the Govt 98% of all dowry cases are false . I can cite 100s of news paper articles where the police have themselves confirmed this . Is the pain of a mother who son has committed suicide due to dowry law harrasment any less that the pain of a mother whose daughter commited suicide due to dowry and the SHOCKING fact is that twice the number of married men commit sucide everyday than married women . How will you you fix this issue ?
I agree if women file false cases then it is a crime too. But I don't think that there are only 2% of honest women. I am not against anyone or I am not saying that this does not happen. What I am only saying is 'Please Don't Take Dowry'. If nobody will take dowry then how women would be able to file false cases? Atleast for avoiding this situation, don't take Dowry.....
."Live alone and dignified" - How about needs and that too with multiple partners. Remove the phrase dignified....
Girls Parents give dowry as a token for her share in the ancestral inheritance. The rest booty goes to their son. They know that by marrying the daughter, she will anyway be entitled to more than they could amass themselves in the whole lifetime and the son will be biased if they do so. And more so that the son gets to maintain the aged parents whereas the girl enjoys her marital life away from her parents responsibilities. Anyway, It's not uncommon nowadays for girls to go back and ask their parents about their equal share in the inheritance. So, go first clean your house and go and ask about your share.
As to why girl has to leave her house and not male - This again start doing homework and ask your father why he was a self respected individual (if so) who earned and brought up his family on his own and why he was not dependent on your maternal grandfather. Pitching a man against a man, eh!! In fact, your mother should not have left her father's home or rather, after marriage should have told your father to leave his parents and stay in your maternal grandfather's house (or shall I say maternal grandmother’s house). So keep him away from his parents responsibilities. Getting now… As to raving and ranting about everything else - why this and why that – it all damn started long time ago and will finally change when dicks are swapped (among everything else) and male pregnancy is on the rise. Hope you get it right this time and ask discreet questions at home.
It is always better to live alone with self respect. May be your dignity is not important for you but for me it is & as I think for most of us. You think that it is impossible to live alone. May be for men like you. You people are so greedy that you cannot avoid the situations from where money is coming whether it is dowry or share in the property. Why men always think that they are support system for parents? Girls are not given so liablity by the society so that she can do anything she want. If a married girl will come forward to help her parents, people like you will create difficulty for her. Difficult situations are created for women and the people who created this is asking the same question. Why you are considering only negative points. Do all women marry so that they can extort? Does so happen with you? Or what harsh you has seen so that you are saying so much bad about women that boyfriends and parents ast as pimps for their daughters. I don't know what society you had seen. This happens but not always. Why all are picking up the exceptional cases. Here is just a point of Dowry. Don't take dowry then why they will demand it back at the time of divorce.
You are saying that parents give dowry as a token for her share in the property as well as you yourself is cutting your point by saying that now a days girls ask for equal share. I want to tell you that now it is legal for a girl also to ask for share in the property. Then why don't you stop asking for dowry when girl is getting share. Your name is not mentioned but I guess you are a man. That is why you are doing such kind of talks. Dear I am not at all interest in asking for any kind of share. You keep your feelings with yourself. Don't teach me what should I do. Your work is to give comment only. I had not raised the point that women should not leave her parents home at the point of marriage. I was just clearing that gentlemen's point. Check my article again and see I have not mentioned it anywhere. I had started everything at my home. Even I oppose my relatives & family members too. Don't think that I am starting this with you. Wake up and see how girls are coming forward. More than boys, girls use to support their parents.
Why you seems to be so frustrated? May be any wrong thing happened with you but you are not allowed to point individuals. You cannot wish the same for anyone else. Dowry is a evil and will remain so. This cannot be changed by your null, earsplitting and loud comment.
.according to mr. Parthasarath he is trying to say in his comment that " dowry laws are only mostly misused by women when they decide to extort money at divorce".... i totally agree with him ..but that what shipra is trying to say that why men are giving chance to them to say any comment on dowry... if men don't take dowry so there is no point to say this... and in some cases when women wants divorce and they want there dowry back...so sometimes there is a fault of men also... not always women create neusense
The Apathy is that system doesnt allow complete investigation as to dowry was given or not. THE VOICE OF GIRL IS THE VOICE OF GOD.
Shipra is not considering the women who marry just to extort, who marry so they can extort and go and live with their boyfriends, parents who act as pimps for their daughters and use their daughter to pay off their debts and earn handsomely. The likes of such are aplenty.
Ankit, Likes of you should get a false dowry harassement case on you to wake you up. SO BET IT soon.
.Dowry will only be eliminated, when FAMILY INHERITANCE for females are made more TRANSPARENT. This will have to start from the richer industrialists. Dowry Laws are only mostly misused by women when they decide to extort money at divorce. Male AWARENESS of this potential is lacking.
Finally, why should men satisfy their egoes by marrying poorer girls, rather than rich ones? Boys, boldly ask to marry somebody far richer than you!
Mr. Parthasarath I don't know exactly of what money you are talking about. But I think you are saying that the girls demand back the money they had given at the time of marriage. If it is so then I don't think that there is any problem. They are asking for the money they had given. Why anybody should have problem. It is clear that people never think for a second while taking money but see how they go through hell when it comes to giving back the same money that is not their.
I don't know if there is somethink like that only those girls who give dowry at the time of marriage will get money from their husband at the time of divorce. It is same for all. Noboby marries with the aim of divorce (except exceptional cases). The thing you are talking about 'equal and transparent share in parents property' is another issue. I want to clear everything that is why I am giving answers to everybody individually because I am really traumatized with this issue and I will feel great if i'll be successful in changing even a single person's mindset.
'shipra', I am amused by your individual 'answers' to each comment here. Girls GIVE dowry, so that they can CLIMB up the economic ladder through the back door. This practice must be discouraged by all right thinking males. Dowry laws are used ONLY by those women who want to extort mony at divorce. Why dont feminists protest against their kind not being given an equal, and transparent share in their parents propery? Any answers, 'shipra'?
.when our parents understand there... is nothing in money... then we could stop when we relise what we should posses as welth, we truely can act.... money has made human to animal..... look at all the crime ... its been committed only because .... of selfish toughts and greed and some against and some for their own gain but its time to understand no one takes anything from this world but surely if they learn what is love they could take it and what is knowledge...they can surely ...... i congratulate u ... take the path of of truth ....just serch inside and he will answer you....,.
Thanks a lot for understanding my point and sharing your precious views. You are also contributing and helping me in following the path of truth.
.Is Marriage a Crime? Why would the parents want their daughters off? Why would the society wants the girls to get married an leave the house naked? Are we not killing the Institution of Family? In the name of eliminating Dowry Practice are we not creating a Fatherless society? The western model of women empowerment has only lead to teenage pregnancy and juvenile Crime
Marriage is not a crime but post tortures are crime. I am not at all saying that it all happens with girls. Sometime even male becomes the victim.
I don't know why after marriage only the girl has to leave her house. This is again a cruel law of society. Even I am against this too. If a girl will ask for the same to her husband, family and society will not consider her to be a good bahu while the same continue to happens with her. She has to leave her home, her father, mother and the whole family and environment. She has to get into a new world having different environment.
And I don't understand your point that 'In the name of eliminating Dowry Practice are we not creating a fatherless society?' Kindly explain me how elimination of Dowry Practice will create fatherless society?
Lastly I am not recommending to follow western model of women empowerment that leads to teenage pregnancy and junevile crime. For me Dowry Practice is similar evil like Sati Pratha.
How pesdo women empowerment Dowry Laws and DV Act are misused atleast by 63184 sexually active wives every year is on record at www.saveindianfamily.org. How the Family Breaking Industry is nurtured by Police and Judiciary is Common Knowledge. Please spend some time reading Survival guide for false 498a in www.498a.org. How western model social system are imported and implemented by UNIFEM with NCW and WCD is wit large by the Statistics available at www.ncw.nic.in
.This is no more a news in Indian urban or rural society... Women, in fact my wife has a filed a false comlaint of dowry harrasment for keeping my parents with me. In bangalore city alone i have atleast 10 of my friends who are the prey for 498A case, Demostic voilance case, and you get 1,000's of these on www.savemynation.com web site. Also the sucide case of men is more when it comes to family and leaving matters now a days, Many men have lost their home and they dont have a peacefull home to return back afetr office hours
All fingers are not equal. I can understand what happened with you but the thing I am talking about still exists in the society. Not only in rural society but in urban society too. To check out this, just go to any marriage and you will see how much bride's parents give in the name of gift. May be in laws do not exprees this but they always wish to have something. I consider this a true fault of parents who do not oppose this. Instead they try to hide such things for the sake of happiness of their daughter. But they don't understand that greed has no end.
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