Feminism is all about the right to choose

Feminism is often frowned upon as a breed of people who are against men, family and everything that binds them to society. But I am a feminist and belive in men, in family and I eqally vote for a woman's right to choose and make her own decisions

CJ: Chhandita Chakravarty

Sat, Jul 18, 2009 12:53:52 IST

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Feminism Movement :

SINCE WHEN has being called a feminist become an insult?

I have called myself a feminist, and a proud one at that! Last time I checked the dictionary, defined a feminist as:
Noun1. Feminist - a supporter of feminism
Adj.1.feminist - of or relating to or advocating equal rights for women; "feminist critique."

Since when did asking for equal rights became a ‘bad’ thing? Of late, I have noticed the trend to brand an independent woman as a feminist and the woman refuses to accept that brand.

Maybe it’s because of the rabid feminists out there, who tend to over-react on issues, which really are – non-issues. A beauty pageant is not a means to oppress women for god’s sake. Jokes about women maybe in bad taste but they definitely do not oppress us women! Yes, women who create these issues are extremists and I dislike extremists of all kinds – be it religion, animal rights, and yes women right.

But that does not mean that all women who call themselves feminists are such extremists! I definitely am not!

People literally cringe when they hear the term feminist and immediately judge me. They have their fixed notions about what feminism is about and they refuse to understand that feminism is all about the right to choose. How can I be a feminist when I am married? When I actually respect my husband and agree that there are things he can do better than me? How can I be a feminist when I actually like to dress up and try and look pretty?

I do not support the kind of feminism that calls for bra burning! Wake up, that's extremism and not feminism. Why can’t people (a lot of them being women) understand that you can be a feminist and still be 'feminine' and not actually hate men! People still have this idea of the butch, man hating feminist, and that is not always the case anymore.

Isn’t it a fact that women face exceptional challenges and disadvantages in society that will never be fixed until women are represented equally in news, politics, and business? So isn’t there a need for women advocates? Funny thing is, many of the so called feminists will actually reject me as a feminist because well, I am too tame for them. So, am I not a feminist if I disagree with the spokeswomen for the extreme kind of feminism?
As I said earlier, for me, being a feminist equals believing in the right to make choices.

There is a population of women who don’t have the right to even step out of their homes (remember I stay in India) and we do need advocate to fight for their rights. But as far as I am concerned, I want to fight for the right of every woman to choose the life she wants to live.

When I was in my early 20s and I had decided not to have babies, I was called a feminist- I didn’t really mind being called that because well, I am a feminist. But I resented the tone it was said in. As if the choice made me any less of a woman. I was told that women are created to be moms; I was told that I would never feel complete without having a child. I resented it then and I resent it now.

I had the right to make a choice. Just like many women out there make every day. I admire women who have decided to go childless. More power to them. They know what they want and they are no less women for thinking that way. And now that I have decided to have babies (another matter that I am unable to have one now), I am no less of a feminists. Both times, I simply made a choice.

I have heard a lot of verbal warfare on blogosphere between stay at home (SAH) wives/moms and working wives/moms. Each group seems to be going out of their way to belittle the other’s lifestyle. I have heard rabid feminist blast SAH women for selling out to the ‘dark side and I have read such verbal rudeness from the SAH that I have winced! I have heard working moms being called non-maternal and bad mothers…and several such adjectives which are simply in bad taste!

None of this is true, is it? A SAH mom is no better than a working mom! Being a parent is hard work, and I have seen several bad moms belonging to both these groups.

I admire women who can choose to give up their careers and be a stay at home wife or mom. Taking care of family is anything but easy and working women out there should know this. (I was a stay at home wife for 6 months). Great that you had the freedom to make this choice! I am glad that women today “choose” to stay at home and are not compelled to do so and the feminists out there should learn to differentiate between the two. A woman staying at home need not be repressed. She may be blissfully happy and be independent too. She just made a choice.

But can the stay at home women too, try and understand that some women do not feel complete without their careers?. How does “choosing” to pursue one’s career makes one less of a woman or a bad mother?

Can’t we just accept that making a choice is what feminism is all about?

I chose not to take my husband’s surname after marriage and I was called a feminist for that. I love my name and I chose to keep it, how is it anybody else’s problem? How did that make me respect my husband any less? So is love and respect all to do with such external showings? Does what is in my heart not matter at all?

Why do I have to defend my way of living? Why are men so scared that I have my own opinions, strong ones at that! I am a feminist, a proud one. I believe in the right of a woman to go out wearing Burqa as much as in the right of a woman to wear a bikini.

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