In the light of Neutrinos being faster than light

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Rohit Karir

Writers of fiction and poetry are not happy with the news that light is no longer the fastest thing in the Universe - Neutrinos are. Screenwriters are muttering, dammit, what will happen to phrases such as 'a leading light' and 'out like a light'?

AT LAST, researchers at the CERN lab in Geneva have produced results - one had started to wonder what the heck were they doing down in that massive circular tube, playing hockey? The lab coats have done themselves the unexpected – instead of the God particle they have found Nutrino (suspicious name, did a pharma company sponsor it?) - and the discovery is dazzling. Scientists couldn't believe their eyes, or the data charts, when they found Neutrinos, sub-atomic particles, zipping away faster than light, which travels at 186,282 miles (299,792 kilometers) per second – and by far the fastest thing that can travel, at least that we know of. Apparently, we didn’t, so scientists checked, and checked, but still the data spoke faster than light. Now that a new light has dawned on his esteemed and God-like General Theory of Relativity, we are unlikely to find the fizzy-haired Albert Einstein tripping the light fantastic.

While quantum physicists pore over giga tons of findings, the fact that we have something that can travel faster than light has forced grammarians and writers to see light in a different light. If new research is proven conclusively, the mighty, and very very fast, Neutrino will displace 'light' in the English language. In many phrases, idioms, phrasal verbs, analogies, the word 'light' will have to make way for the new Speedy King – the Neutrino.

One will have to admit, Neutrino, its nationality seems to be Italian, sounds like a word with a big chest, a word that eats a lot protein and bench-presses 500 pounds. But a Neutrino can’t belong to a ballet performance, which has a 'light' touch. The phrases, 'light at the end of a tunnel' and “light as a Neutrino” are as different as light and day – the former gives the impression that a Superhero is standing at the end of the tunnel – hiding all the light expected at the end of a tunnel.

Of course, the phrase that’s going to have the most fundamental change over will be 'light years away'. The new phrase, 'Neutrino years away', in the light of CERN findings, is a bit misleading – sounds like a planet that’s years away or even more pedestrian - some chap called Neutrino losing hair by the 'years'.

Maybe one of the most colourful and evocative English usage, which is likely to be the happiest trading places will be 'red-light district'. For years it has been saddled (pardon the pun) with 'red'. At last, there’s a new poster boy – Neutrino.