THE INSTITUTION of marriage in our land was much more than sex and children. The institution formed the very basis of love, friendship, respect, compassion, togetherness, selflessness, caring, patience, forgiveness, honour, and family.

 

But time witnessed a gradual disintegration of all the above aspects. While joint family disintegrated into nuclear families, nuclear families too are witnessing increasing cases of disloyalty.

 

Partner swapping though a taboo in our country till now is quite a known fact these days. Though there has been mention of people resorting to such means even in the pages of history books, the instances then could have been said to be miniscule.

 

People adopting such means have taken a larger proportion with time. Though wrapped under the cover of values, these options have trickled into the smaller towns as well.

 

Are we aping the western culture gradually and letting go of our deep rooted Indian values or is this a serious issue that needs to be addressed immediately to save ourselves from the trauma of emotional apathy and a large number of diseases killing hundreds across the country every minute.

 

While reasons for infidelity can be many, most people resort to infidelity just for the sake of fun.

 

“I am otherwise happy with my marital life. But busy and erratic shifts make it nearly impossible for us to spend time together. We understand each other well and so we have come to a mutual decision as to find refuge in partner swapping. So, when the other person does not feel dejected and at the same time our desires are met with, I do not find anything wrong in it,” said an executive working with a KPO in Gurgaon who prefers to conceal his identity.

 

“I come back very exhausted after long working hours, I would love to have a good time with my wife. But she refuses to understand my problem and gets annoyed because of my late working hours. We end up arguing. She goes off to sleep most of the time. I found a way out to fulfill my need. I watch x-rated movies,” said an employee of a factory in Delhi.

 

The revelation of these two people just goes to prove that people adopting other means to fulfill their sexual desire is not just limited to a particular group but mostly to two section of people that is either people from financially affluent backgrounds or those from financially deprived class.

 

But there are also instances of many people who feel experimentation is the very basis of life.

 

A 23-year-old lad living in a posh Mumbai locality says he is very uncomfortable sticking to a single woman. Exploring women from various backgrounds and of diverse nature helps him reach an altogether different high each time.

 

Another example is that of a middle-aged woman in Pune who is enjoying a blissful marital life for the past twenty years but finds it very boring to have sex with her husband. And she does not mind experimenting with another man irrespective of the age.

 

Dr Vinod Chebbi, Sex and Marriage therapist, Director, Medisex Foundation, Bangalore feels, seeking sexual pleasure outside the marriage or resorting to other methodologies is like addiction where people always want for more without realising where lies the key to happiness.  

 

“It is like any other addiction like drugs or alcohol. The increased need of sexual activity just shows that they are hunting for temporary pleasure outside their marriage without realising that happiness is something that comes from within. These people confuse pleasure with happiness without realising that happiness is something which need not be rejuvenated but pleasure has to be rejuvenated from time to time and also the dosage needs to be increased. So ultimately people who are in search of such kind of pleasure outside their marriage are never happy,” said Dr Chebbi.

 

Different kinds of therapies are used to treat such people says Dr Chebbi, the concerned persons are asked to question themselves as to what makes them think that way, where are they lacking and then they themselves are made to address their problems.

 

According to psychiatrists, majority of these people fail to understand the root cause of such problems in their marital life, thereby seeking retreat to decadent acts. The treatment of such inadequacies lies in doing away with the root problem.

 

Studies show that most of these people resorting to unethical means to fulfill their sexual needs are from disturbed backgrounds or have had a disturbed childhood. Dr Chebbi feels it is the parents in 99 per cent of the cases who need to be blamed.

 

Neglected childhood, lack of affection and conditional bonding between the parent and the child have been traced to be the root cause of such problems. People with such problems mostly never had financial problems. Other causes also include parental discord or when the child was brought up by a single parent or when lack of interaction persisted between the parents and the child.

 

While aspects can be many, what needs to be addressed is how to keep our social set up undisturbed and that can happen only when parents act responsibly and bring up their child to see the light of a better tomorrow and behaves responsibly.