Samriddhi is a senior manager of a well-known MNC located in Delhi. She worked her way up to this prestigious post through sheer hard work and vision from scratch. The foundation of determination was laid in school itself. She is married and has twins. Such a woman has the world at her feet, is what you would immediately think. But does she?
The reality of her life is that she went through a stage filled with conflict and guilt of neglecting her children's needs. Her mother-in-law kept pushing her so much that she considered quitting her dream job. She took a break to consider her options during which she slipped into depression because of the stress of making the correct choice.
What is scary about this story is that the choices a woman has in our society really don’t look at what the woman wants neither do they make it easy for her to live with them. In India, women like Samriddhi constantly go through guilt trips especially when it comes to juggling career and family prospects, and most of them are not as equipped to seek professional help like she did. She has worked to establish clear communication with both her children, and has a realistic plan that enables her to balance work and home…
In a study conducted by Mitchelson et al of Auburn University (Alabama) it was found that a higher proportion of women felt they did not meet their own high standards with family and workplace commitments. Socially prescribed perfectionism, that is, believing that others will value you only if you are perfect, has been associated with depression and other problems, including suicide.
Aashna's story is another example of how the feelings of guilt and inadequacy may impact the well being of women. Between Aashna and her husband, it was she who ended up being blamed for neglecting her daughter. Because of lack of good communication, and the stress she was under, she found the need to resort to a relationship outside her marriage. Her marriage has ended and her relationship with her husband is not yet resolved of its conflicts.
Basic Psychological Needs Theory argues that psychological well-being and optimal functioning is based on autonomy, competence, and relatedness. So women are in such a position that if she does not give her hundred percent to the job, her need for competence is thwarted, if she is made to believe that her duty to family is supreme, then her autonomy is compromised, and the strained relationships definitely don’t fulfill her need for relatedness.
Implications of such studies are not limited to women and their work spaces. It poses a need on the society as a whole on what they are driving the woman to do. Also, it’s an appeal to working women to reflect on the basis of their decisions regarding work and family. Counselors, teachers and employers also need to look into this matter as the extent of stress women face may often be detected and intervention may be provided before she actually is driven to take a drastic step.
About The Author
Mrs. ANU GOEL is a Counselling Psychologist. She has practiced in Mumbai for 5 years, and is currently practicing in Delhi since the last 7 years. Goel, who can be contacted at 9313320146 and email@example.com, is a member of the Counsellor's Association of India, and has been a guest speaker on several occasions.
What are you exactly sad about? Ashna getting blamed for neglecting her daughter and not her husband? I think the sad part is that (a) the daughter got neglected (b) the marriage broke off. Do you think the daughter and husband are any less sad? Please stop portraying women as victims using some obscure studies you pick up from some unheard universities. Thats not fair.
Accept the fact that managing babies and managing boss at office together is a tough job. However if somebody is choosing to balance the both - its brave, go ahead. But take responsibility of your decision. Having a guilt feeling later doesnt help anybody, neither does it change anything. It only makes people around you unhappy.
I think the major problem can be solved if husbands at home handle the situation delicately. A female human species goes through a lot of emotional turbulence - few issues hurt them much more than they do men folks. Hence its always a tough ride for them. But if the husband gives a emotional support, at least families wont break.
What I did not like about this article is that a female writer poses a general family realted problem as a unique feminine issue that needs special attention. Do you think its only the female who gets disturbed when a family breaks? Is it only they who go on a guilt trip? I understand we had been a male dominated society so far and we need to give women a equal chance. But at the first chance of equality given, some women take it a too far. Do not blame the society for that. I would say the society - at least in the urban space - is evolving fast to give a equal opportunity to the women in India. Its the women who need to be mentally and physically get prepared for the changing scenario if they want to evolve. Else they will end up hurting their husbands, babies and other members of family.
Women want to have the cake and eat it too . Women too themselves have to change rather than only expecting to change men or the society.If a man quits his job for the sake of family then are women and society willing to accept stay at home men. No, neither the women nor the society is willing to do so. They why blame the men only. If a women earns Rs 10,000 /- then she wants to marry someone who earns Rs 20,000/- , the woman expects that her husband must earn twice or thrice her income.A man can marry an unemployed woman , but can a woman marry an unemployed man.