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Life is nothing but relationships
In the realm of relativity, we experience our biggest truth about our own self through the eyes of other. The perfect harmonous circle of relationships can be drawn only and only if, one fixes the "CENTRE" of that circle first without fixing the others around the circumferences of circles around that centre. Each "ONE" has, his or her own 'universe of relationships', of which he is at the centre. That centre is needed to be fixed first and foremost by being truthfully and realistically "Self Centred", after having known the exact meaning of 'self'.

There is a way to be happy in relationships, and that is to use relationships for their intended purpose, not the purpose you have designed in your 'Mind', courtesy your upbringing in a given set of environment.

Relationships are constantly changing; constantly calling you to create, express, and experience higher and yet higher aspects of yourself, grander and grander vision of yourself, ever more magnificent versions of yourself. Nowhere can you do this more immediately, impactfully, and immaculately, than in relationship.

It is only through ONE's relationship with other people, places, and events that 'ONE' can exist (as a knowable quantity, as an identifiable something) in this universe. That is how it is in the world which exists in the 'Realm of Relativity'.

Once 'ONE' clearly understands this, then 'ONE' can intuitively bless each and every experience, all human encounter, and especially personal human relationships, for 'ONE' to see them as constructive, in highest sense, to construct "Who You Really Are".

The Biggest mistake people make in human relationships is to be concerned for what the other is wanting, being, doing or having. Be concerned only for the "self". What is the highest choice for the self? The highest choice for the "self" becomes highest choice for "another" when the 'ONE' realizes the truest and the grandest meaning of 'self' ; then the 'ONE' realizes that there is no one else other than the 'self'.

Most often, relationships fail apart and change when they are entered into for reasons not wholly beneficial or conducive to the survival of the relationship. Most people enter into relationships with a sponsoring thought and an eye towards "What they can get out of relationship, rather than what they can put into them."

The purpose of relationships is to decide what part of 'ONESELF', 'ONE' like to see "show up," not what part of another you can capture and hold.

It is very romantic to say that you were "nothing" until that special other came along, but it is not true. Worse, it puts an incredible pressure on the other to be all sorts of things he or she is not.

Not wanting to "let you down," the 'other' is forced to try very hard "to be", and do these things until the 'other' cannot do anymore, just to please, at the cost of shredding one's own 'individuality'. They can no longer hold the brush, to complete your 'visualisation of them'. They can no longer fill the roles to which they have been assigned. Resentment builds. Anger follows.

Finally, in order to be just be themselves, in the relationship, these special others begin to reclaim their own real selves, acting more in accordance with "Who They Really Are?". It is about this time that 'ONE' starts telling the 'other' that they've "really changed."

It is very romantic to say that now that your special other has entered your life, you feel complete. Yet the purpose of relationship is not to have another who might complete you; but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.

Here is the paradox of all human relationships: You have no need for particular other in order for you to experience, fully, Who You Are, and without another, you are nothing, because the 'Speaking Mirror" is not there.

This is both the "mystery and the wonder", the "frustration and the joy" of the human experience. It requires deep understanding and total willingness to live within this paradox in a way which makes sense. However, irony is that very few people do so.

Most of 'us' enter into relationship- under forming years ripe with anticipation, full of sexual energy, a wide-open heart, and a joyful, if eager, soul.

Somewhere between '35- 60' , 'ONE' gives up on ONE's grandest dream, sets aside ONE's highest hope, and settles for lowest expectation- or nothing at all.

The problem is so basic, so simple, and yet so tragically misunderstood. That "ONE's grandest dream, highest idea, and fondest hope has had 'nothing' to do with the beloved other".

Rather than 'ONE's beloved "OwnSelf" ; the test of ONE's relationships has thus degenerated to "how well the 'other' lived up to ONE's ideas, and how well ONE saw ONESELF living up to that 'others' ? Yet the true test has to do with only aspect "How well ONE live up to ONE's own ideas?"

Relationships are sacred because they provide life's grandest opportunity -indeed, it is the only opportunity - to create and produce the experience of ONE's highest conceptualisation of self.

Relationships fail when ONE see's in them an opportunity to recast the 'other' in sync with ONE's highest conceptualisation of another.

Let each person in relationship worry not about the other, but only, only, only about 'ONE's own truest Self.' ONE's focus upon the another - obsession with the other, as if the 'other' is an object of 'possession' - is what causes relationships to fail.

It ought not to matter, "what the 'other is being', 'doing', 'having', 'saying', 'wanting', 'demanding'?" It also ought not to matter, "What the other is thinking, expecting, planning?" What matters the most is, "What is ONE's relationship to that 'others'?"

The most loving person is the person who is self-centred. Unfortunately and, realistically, very few people live in that state of 'being'. They are not even aware about the real meaning of being 'Self Centred', 'Selfish' or 'self'.

If ONE cannot love ONESELF, that ONE cannot love any another. Most people get carried away by the thought, "If I can love others, they will love me. Then I will be lovable, and I will be happy and at peace with Self."

The reverse thought process of above is that, "so many people hate themselves because they feel there is not another who loves them". This is a sickness of perception- it's when people are truly "lovesick" because the truth is, other people do love them, but it doesn't matter. No matter how many people profess their love for them, it is not enough.

First, they don't believe you. They think you are trying to manipulate them - trying to get something (How could you love them for who they truly are? No. There must be some mistake. You must want something! Now what do you want?)

They sit around trying to figure out how anyone could actually love them. So they don't believe you, and embark on a campaign to make you prove it. You have to prove that you love them. To do this, they may ask you to start altering your behaviour, 'Recast yourself in their Mould".

Second, if they finally do come to believe, and that is a big 'IF', that you do love them, they begin at once again start worrying about how long they can keep your love. So, in order to hold onto your love, they start altering their behaviour, which is equally disastrous. No individual must ever loose ones personality to appease other.

Thus, two people literally lose themselves in a relationship. They get into the relationship hoping to find themselves, and instead they loose themselves by trying to mould the other or recasting themselves.

This loss of 'Self' in a relationship is what is at the root cause of most of the bitterness in such inter-personal relationships.

Two people join together in a partnership hoping that the whole will be greater than the sum of the parts, only to find that it's less at individual level. They feel less than when they were single. Less capable, less able, less exciting, less attractive, less joyful, less content.

This is because they are less. They have given up most of who they are in order to be - and to stay -in their relationship.

Relationships were never meant to be this way. Yet this is how they are experienced by more people than you could ever know, because people have lost touch with the purpose of relationships- When they loose sight of each other as sacred souls on a sacred journey

Some Quotes:

All people are special, and all moments are golden

Being in the *NOW*, AIDS *AIMS & AMBITIONS*;

'Present (moment) is a *Present(Gift)* 'Pre-sent' by God(ess) ;

Cherish the *NOW* & you have *WON* BATTLE OF LIFE

Life is nothing but relationships; to experience "self"

Editorial NOTE: This article is categorized under Opinion Section. The views expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of merinews.com. In case you have a opposing view, please click here to share the same in the comments section.
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