SO NOW Fashion Television has been banned, apparently because the channel telecasts a programme called Midnight Hot, which, according to the Information and Broadcasting Ministry, featured “skimpily dressed and semi naked models,” which is “against good taste, decency, denigrates women and is likely to adversely affect public morality.”

 

If they would have banned the channel on grounds of boredom, I would have clearly understood and condoled with the ministry, because whenever I have turned into FTV in the last few years (admittedly not too often, there are limits to what I will endure even for the sake of this column), this is what I have invariably seen: Random shots of models walking down the ramp, while some equally random music playing in the background. Occasionally, for a change, the channel has programmes like Fashion and Film (random shots of movie stars at some event like the 2007 Golden Globe Awards, where they helpfully put little pointers on the screen saying ‘Helen Mirren in Donna Karan’ next to visual of Helen Mirren), or Fashion Event (random shots of the opening of a Bulgari store in Vienna in 2006 – why, by the way, show us something that happened last year? Or, FTV Party (random shots of people partying at the opening of an F Bar in Johannesburg) and so on and so forth.

 

The viewer does not even have to strain his or her ears because hardly anyone ever talks on the channel. All you have to do is sit back in a stupor and watch mindlessly. (I seriously think that the term couch potato was invented for this channel). But the Information and Broadcasting Minister has not banned the channel on these grounds. (Maybe the Health Ministry should consider banning it).

 

They’ve banned it because of some programme called Midnight Hot. Clearly, it seems like the babus of the ministry have been staying up all night, avidly watching the channel. Some suggestions for them: (a) Go to Khajuraho and do a tour of the temples. After that you can ban it. (b) Read the Kamasutra from cover to cover and then ban it. (c) Also read the illustrated versions of the Kamasutra (illustrated with erotic Indian art), then you can ban those miniatures and sculptures. (d) Watch all the other Television channels – Entertainment, Music, Discovery, National Geographic, etc…. You will resoundingly find something in all these channels, which is against decency, good taste, public morality, etc.. (I wonder if the I and B Ministry is aware that Discovery has visuals of animals copulating? Shouldn’t they put an end to this sort of thing?) (e) Watch all the Bollywood and Hollywood films and all the commercials – you will certainly want to ban at least half of them. (f) And while you’re about it, how about putting some rules in places, where Indian women are permitted to show off their skin when they wear a sari, salwar kameez, skirt, jeans or anything, so they don’t go against public decency, morality etc. There, that should keep the Information and Broadcasting Ministry very, very busy for another 10 years.

 

I saw Zee TV’s new serial called Teen Bahuraaniyaan. Since Paresh Rawal has made it, I expected something fresh – radically different in fact – from what we usually see on the channels. But I guess I expected too much. Teen Bahuraaniyaan has all the family soap staples – loud sets, many jethanis and devranis and of course bahuraanis, swishing about the aangan in flamboyant sarees, wearing so much jewellery that they could be pass off as mannequins in a jewellery shop window. Has Paresh Rawal secretly metamorphosed into Ektaa Kapoor?

 

And finally, Kaun Banega Crorepati (KBC) had a celebrity special where Sanjay Dutt and Boman Irani turned up in the hot seat. At two hours, the episode was a bit long, but enjoyable viewing nevertheless. And Shahrukh Khan, looking extremely dashing, held the show together well. Pity, it’s going off air.