IN THE BEGINNING, God created men and women. The men were without finesse and poise, and ignorance was upon them — or, at least, that’s what the women thought. God felt sorry for the men, who looked cluttered, dirty, filthy, grimy, and grubby. And, God said, "Let there be metrosexuality," and there was metrosexuality! God seeing that metrosexuality was good, separated the metrosexuals from the ignoramus — the few who refused to look at the light or the mirror. And, finally, God said, “Let the naive machos take a back seat,” and so it came to pass.

 

In the meanwhile, the metrosexuals, who were gifted with an aesthetic sense and left with an ugly amount of time and money, went about the task of changing the image of men. They hit the spas and beauty salons with a vengeance. They got themselves manicured, pedicured and waxed. They got their craggy faces scrubbed, exfoliated, massaged, and preened. They got their skin re-hydrated and moisturized.

 

They splurged money on fairness creams, styling gels, concealers, tanning powder, beard-shaders, and lipsticks. They chose their designer wears with care and concern. One of the metrosexual icons went on to act in an ad, showing him enjoying a bath in a tub filled with rose petals, with the screen sirens, whom the ad once featured, in attendance.

 

The women, who used to complain that men smelt like a pair of used socks, were surprised when one fine day the men came out of the beauty salons prim and proper and fluttered their mascaraed eyelashes. A few women were worried by this sudden development, but a majority of them welcomed the new-looking men and their designer labels. At least, men would not hereafter cringe when it came to spending on cosmetics, the women reasoned.

Lo and behold! The men and women started splurging on cosmetics and designer-wears. Looking good never looked so good before, they thought.

 

God saw this, and God did not like what he saw. He could not tell them apart. He could not tell who was Eve and who was Adam. He thought that the metrosexual man, instead of complementing the woman, was trying to dethrone her and occupy her place. He thought of Adam dressed in fig leaves. "That was much better," He muttered to Himself. Then, God said, “It is not good that the men should be like this." He let confusion enter the minds of women.

 

The next morning some women thought that the metrosexuals looked like sissies and duly shifted their allegiance to the retrosexuals. A few women thought that the retrosexuals were Neanderthals who wore their sloppy looks and slimy attitude on their filthy sleeves. The others wondered to which category those brawny bods with no brains belonged.

Some craved for the good old types — men who looked unkempt, unshaven, dirty, speckled, stained, smudged, soiled, spotted, sullied, and immaculate in their crudeness and cussedness. And, each woman wondered whether that was what she really wanted. They could not say for sure. The confused men, who were waiting for the Freudian slip from the women, were left wondering, “What do women really want?”

 
When God found the men and women trapped thus in that Babel of confusions and counter-confusions, He knew He had done His work, and decided to take a day off.