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Of scams and scums
This is a spoof on scams. 'What is the 2G scams?' I asked. For once, my friend was at the receiving end. I have been showered so much by his interludes and expostulations, at everything that is wrong in this benighted Nation that I decided to give him a dose of his own medicine...

HE LOOKED stumped, but then slowly regained composure. “Firstly, it is the 2G Scam and nota 2G Scam”, he said. “Secondly I have my own interpretation, it is Twice Great Scam”. “Why Is It Twice Great?” I asked.


“Because you fool, those who are involved in Scams, are involved in them more than once, and they are Great People, they are always in the News, and then views follow like cascades of waterfalls”.

“Now, now” I said with mild admonition.

“You go off at a tangent as usual”.

“Why are they called Scams?” I persisted.

“Because”, my friend replied “They are perpetrated by scums. The word scam and the word scum have an epistemological and phonetic relationship”.

“But I don’t see any relationship in lexicon” I reminded him gently.

“Do you, or do you not want to know what scams are?” he shouted.

“Alright, alright tell me”.

“A Scam is corruption of the highest order”.

“What are their categories?” I asked.

“Why, 1G to infinity . . .”

“And how do we measure from one to infinity?” I asked naively.

“Obviously by the amount of money one embezzles” he said.

“Oh!” I exclaimed, a little dazed.

“And then what are the remedials?”

“Why, get them arrested by the anti corruption squad and get these scums arrested”.

“Where do you find these squads?” I asked.

“Well” he said. “They are to be seen but not heard, they perform very quietly”.

“And I suppose, they are incorruptible people?” I asked.

“Of course, they are above board”.

I was satisfied by his answers. At least there is a solid mechanism to entangle the venal”.

“And after the scam, sorry the scum is caught, is he arrested?”

“Of course” my friend replied. “Then he is thrown to the jails and housed in a room according to his status. If he is an ordinary man, working in a small government department, then he is thrown into a room with other inmates. And, if he is a politician, depending on his scam he is put into a room, with facilities like TV, food which he is used to, a comfortable bed, reading material and so on. Why, once in a while he can even go and meet his family”.

“Why?” I asked.

“So that, he will have time to indulge in more scams – those scums”, he replied.

The two words buzzed in my mind like droning bees. I left his room, resolving to do more research on scams, its methodology and history!

And of course onscums as well!!


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