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'Old parents need to draw healthy boundary between themselves and their nuclear families'
Every day, we hear or read the news about new-age married children from nuclear families deserting or abandoning their old parents in pursuit of their career and work-life demands. Often, children are being blamed for this sorry state of affairs.

We need to realize that even an unmarried son has to go out to work at some other place, new-found independence, job conditions and peer-group pressures invariably are going to result into a disconnected family sooner or later. The present reality is that once a son or daughter moves out the parental house to work or after getting married, he or she will have little contact with old parents.

In such a situation, parents need to draw healthy boundaries between themselves and their nuclear families to live happily in their old age, suggests Melody Beattlie, the author of the book "The language of Letting Go: daily Meditations for codependents". 

According to Beattlie, the main issue of the present day family reality is that of the expectations arising out of codependency. He says that this issue of codependency can be solved by separating the parental issues from the issues of working and married children.

Suggesting the cultivating a new mindset in the light of present familial issues, Beattlie suggests to the old parents that they need to draw a healthy boundary between ourselves and their nuclear families. The old parents must effort-fully separate their issues from their married and working children issues for keeping social relationships and interaction intact. Otherwise, old parents will get ?addicted? to misery, martyrdom, helplessness and victimization.

Beattlie is of the view that old parents should stop judging their separated working and married children on the basis their unanalysed expectations. He advises parents to learn to deal with their own issues resulting from the deep-rooted notion of codependency which runs counter to the present day nuclear family structure. The author, in his book, suggests the formation of ?recovery groups? of parents in the similar plight and practicing spirituality as there is no shortage of love within.

Even in the old Vedic days, codependency was limited to up to 50 years of age or 'Grihsth Ashram' and thereafter, parents would get prepared for detachment in the form of 'Vanaprastha Ashram'. In this Ashram, there were 'recovery groups' organizing collective pilgrimage leading to renunciation for total detachment from the world and be ready to embrace death blissfully. 

There is need to revive such a system with modifications and adaptation in the present day situation. I am told some colonizers are working on this concept for constructing residential complexes for old people.

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