I couldn’t resist myself from writing this letter, though secretly, to congratulate you on being given a clean chit from our very own Hooda uncle. Oops … I mean from the very able and prompt Haryana government. Other states, judiciary and investigative agencies must learn a lesson or two from Hooda uncle on how to pursue a case related to scams involving top-notch businessmen and politicians. Kudos to Haryana officials! They have set a precedent to be followed by the rest of the country. Bro, I really liked the manner in which Hooda uncle reacted to the investigation order given by some random IAS officer against you in the DLF land deal - let me recall the poor chap’s name ...ummmm … Khemka. Mummy Ji is quite impressed with Hooda uncle the way he dealt with all these issues. Believe me all those who have supported us through these difficult times will be appreciated by Mummy Ji after 2014 general elections, if we return to power.
Jiju, as you know, I hardly write anything these days as Mummy Ji doesn’t want me to spend time on petty things. And somewhere she is right, why should I waste my time doing things which have nothing to do with the common man? Ultimately the common man will help me realize Mummy Ji and Digvijay uncle’s dream to see me as the next prime minister of India. As far as writing is concerned, I have a specialized team of content writers looking after my speeches and other stuffs. But you know sometimes even they write something which doesn’t make any sense at least for myself. Bro, do you remember my last year’s speech on Lokpal Bill in Lok Sabha. Somehow, I managed to read out the lengthy speech. Touchwood, nobody from the opposition sensed that I myself was not clear on several points made in that speech. Only some of my close friends, Mummy Ji, sis Priyanka , and you, who know my knowledge base and capability, guessed that day that the speech was not mine. Jiju, I too realized later on that one should really check the facts and prepare thoroughly before delivering speech, especially in the Parliament.
After that Lokpal speech mockery, I don’t believe on somebody else’s written piece. And this time around, I could not have sought someone’s help in drafting this letter as it pertains to our family affairs after all.
Bro, you must have seen BJP leaders are coming all guns blazing and criticizing the central government during their speeches in Gujarat and Himachal Pradesh. Your guess is half right. Elections are around the corner but not the General election of 2014 as you perceive. These will be assembly elections in both the states. How can a political savvy person like you forget that! Well, I can understand you have your own serious issues to deal with.
Jiju, remember Mummy Ji’s words of wisdom. She always says ignore the critics as long as you can and after some time they get tired and shut their mouth. And the best part is people tend to forget.
Bro, I am in Mandi, Himachal, to address an election rally. You must be a worried man thinking why I am writing this letter and what stopped me from calling you using my latest Samsung Galaxy S III that we had bought last month from Khan Market. Don’t take unnecessary tension. All is well…I haven’t lost my phone. There is some network problem I guess. I have been trying your number since morning but can’t get through. I will check with Manmohan Ji if the cancellation of 2G licences has anything to do with it.
Today, I am very happy for you and so will be my dear sis as all news channels have been running the news ‘how you have emerged taintless’ in this DLF case. Bro, I was hopeful from the very beginning but that obstinate IAS officer made me feel little worried in between, but the way things have gone was something I couldn’t have imagined. Till date I was thinking that there is a handful of people in Delhi only who are concerned about Gandhi Parivar’s reputation but Hooda uncle has proved me wrong and shown that how much loyal he is towards Gandhi family. Jiju, don’t mind I am using the word ‘Gandhi family’ again and again. I know being a ‘Vadra boy’ you too have built some reputation over the years. But, you will agree that falling in love with a ‘Gandhi girl’ was the best thing happened to you. So, as Mummy Ji says, let’s take a pledge that we will do everything in our capacity to salvage the reputation of the Gandhi family.
Because I am a young budding politician, as everyone believes, I can sense how the opposition parties will react to the news of you being given clean chit and that is so early. You must not give attention to what the BJP says on this. We must take heart from the latest scandal involving Nitin Gadkari Ji as it will divert people’s attention from us. And one thing I forgot to tell you that I got to know from Digvijay Ji that Gadkari Ji is not willing to come to Delhi from Nagpur. We can empathize with Gadkari Ji as we saw in Khurshid Ji’s case how these media guys made his life tough.
Until last week, I was very annoyed with the media as they were targeting you, our family and our loyal leader Khurshid Ji but angst has been evaporated now because they are no more running our stories after catching a big fish in form of Gadkari Ji.
Bro, though I am happy for you but at the same time feeling sad for Gadkari Ji. Believe me he is a nice man. Can’t God see what’s been happening to nice guys on this earth? Yesterday only, a US court has given 2-year imprisonment to Rajat Gupta, who also happened to be a good man as per people’s conviction. You know what while announcing the verdict the judge said that Gupta is a good guy who went terribly wrong, and the history is full of such instances where good men did wrong things. As a good man yourself, don’t you think that nice people should be allowed to be engaged in some kind of trivial ‘herapheri’. I strongly believe so. Now coming back to how good a man Gadkari Ji is. I consider it as my good luck that I got an opportunity to know Gadkari Ji as a person. I was invited to attend his younger son’s marriage few months back, and Bro, to my surprise he was taking caring of all guests himself and making sure that they are served with all the available deserts. It was a real big fat wedding just like Gadkari Ji himself. Can you imagine a person of his stature serving food to his guests himself! That spoke a volume about his personality. And this was the reason why I am not surprised to see the reports which say that he has made driver, gardener, priest and servant directors in his companies. I know he has got a big heart.
Jiju, one more thing, I must tell you that be aware of that ‘mango man’ Kejriwal because he will come out criticizing Hooda Ji and our family all over again. Just ignore him.
Dude, take care of your health and hit the gym regularly. You know stress can lead to obesity as doctors believe. And you know my sis won’t like you putting on weight because you are the only one in our family having six-pack abs. I hope someday you will flaunt your hot-body on ramp and if possible during ‘Fashion Week’. J-o-k-i-n-g, Bro.
Now that everything seems to be settling down, you should re-open your Facebook account. And mark my words, this time don’t pay any heed to the comments made by the ‘mango people’.