A relationship: enigma if shallow, gr eat deal of delight ifound

26 February, 2013

Some say 'A' is imperative for a relationship, others may give preference to 'B' while as per a handful, it could be 'C'. But then the question is: will just a single element A or B or C do? If dug deep, one will find the answer - a big 'NO'.

Everyone defines a relationship as per what he or she has experienced or lived with. Everybody's definition of a relationship varies from the rest others, and I am no exception. And nobody's definition of a relationship is right or wrong! I may come across certain experiences in life which not necessarily others may encounter. Someone might have had a different upbringing, different values to live life with, I may have different. You form a persceptive, develop an understanding about anything depending on various factors which ultimately shape your life. Now please refrain from calling me a consultant, relationship expert or a profound author of the topic... Facts are myriad, time is short, but still I will go flawlessly for a while.

Relationship - if you think being human, is a profound link, a very strong, tidy bond, and if it is as good as the other daily chores - it's merely a togetherness driven by time and some gains. Sometimes it's a thing between two like-minded people, and at times it is a brief stint between two unlikely lives. For instance, my highly revered Bollywood stars - Ajay Devgan and Kajol. Both have completely different personalities in every aspect, but their togetherness exemplifies an ideal relationship. The camaraderie between the two outshines everything else. I would like to name it fundamentally a perfect epitome of relationship.

Now let me unfold some untouched corners of this topic. I personally feel isolation alone is a negative sentiment, while its void, if filled with someone's memories, become a positive sentiment. In other words, isolation alone fades away in some time; it meets the doomsday early, whereas isolation accompanied becomes a thing to treasure for long.

Similarly, human beings can't just exist, they co-exist. This figure of two and the factor of co-existence are uber-significant. Almost every entity in the universe is coupled: sun and the moon, day and night, warm and cold, bright and dark, brisk and mild, et al. Because one exists, the other one keeps relevance. Various factors, numerous elements make a relationship intact and worthy. And mind you, it's a two way process... Love becomes worthy when it is given, it becomes precious when it is taken. One can't claim it to be love without showing respect. The two elements go hand in hand. If you truly love someone, you will unremittingly respect his/her feelings, position, way of life, likes, dislikes and everything associated with that very person. Though there may be differences, there may be arguments, but to love, respect is equally integral.

In a genuine relationship, it's always us or we. Only I doesn't exist then, or I would say, much of 'I' weakens the binding thread of a relationship. As I said earlier - it's about two people. Love can't grow without respect and respect comes if a relationship carries a true meaning and depth. Many a time, in many cases simply having fun could be titled as some sort of 'relationship'. For some it could be shallow, for others it may be very profound. There could be many variants of relationships and no one is right or wrong depending on how both the ends want it, or how they would love to see it growing.

To support my view of love carrying everything within it, I would like to be again guided by the all-time great philosopher Maulana Rumi. In a nutshell - a relationship is an amalgamation of love and respect, trust and sacrifice, we and us, first you and then me. Though there exist no you and me, but still it's you first and then me. Rumi says, “Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along.” The essence of his words could be interpreted in a way that in love, the figure two has no relevance, two are considered one here and that's why they are all along in each other. So while they are one, one is not supposed to disrespect himself/ herself.

Hence, it is supposed that one should love and respect himself/ herself and the other being simultaneously. Let me infuse here some mathematics. While in a relationship, one respects and loves oneself, in a way he/she loves and respects the other being - which is within that one entity. Thus proved: Love and respect co-exist or in other words - they are one entity when it comes to a relationship. Many may disagree, but as I said earlier, this is how I understand it given the values and upbringing I have been nurtured with so far.