Valentine's Day: Happiness or heartache for those in love

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Marlene Pardo BS CMH

03 February, 2010

According to an estimate, approximately 14 per cent of American women sent themselves flowers during Valentine's Day, a reflection of this holiday's hype- that to be happy you must be coupled.

FOR MANY pink cherubs and heart-shaped candy are reminders of relationships that are less than perfect or the pain of lost love. Singles that feel alienated and possibly depressed become more withdrawn during this holiday, especially if thoughts inevitably lead to relationships that have ended. However, having a significant other is no guarantee against stress, since trouble in a relationship can be magnified at this time and happy couples must deal with the pressure of spending money on gifts and/or the perfect evening out to mark the holiday.

Even though there has been extensive research on the effects of stress, says Marlene Pardo a hypnotherapist specialising in relationship issues, “Many don’t understand how ignoring the tell tale signs of simmering anger and frustration can lead to worse problems. Addressing these issues with basic, effective techniques that are available can eliminate suffering and head off disaster down the road.”

Psychologists at UCLA’s Relationship Institute tackled the question of what are the best strategies for couples handling stress, many of which can be used by singles. Here is what they came up with: first, identify stress as a source of flaring tempers and even physical depletion. Secondly, be willing to shoulder an extra load of responsibility without expecting any type of reward or words of thanks; your payoff is taking attention off your own woes and getting the satisfaction of helping someone else. Next, remembering your partner’s and your own better qualities is a way to understand that this only a temporary response to stressors. Another technique to safeguard your relationship is showing your partner how much you appreciate them by taking care of them in difficult times even in small ways. Lastly, couples should take the time and effort to keep their relationship fresh by setting aside time to do activities together and be willing to seek professional help if this is what it takes to get things back on track.

As a part of an effort by leading heath care organisations across the United States to inform the community of steps to take to reduce the risk of heart disease (among them stress) for National Heart Month, Pardo is offering a free Heal My Heart with Hypnosis audio download available on her website through the month of February.