Unequal love hurts!
Tanu Malhotra | 24 Feb 2011

Remember those mushy fights with your spouse where an 'I love you' was followed by 'I love you more' and end up proving each other whose love has a higher degree in the relationship! Lovy- dovy fights can take ugly turns.

Unequal love hurts! Remember those mushy fights with your spouse where an “I love you” was followed by “I love you more” and end up proving each other whose love has a higher degree in the relationship! Lovy- dovy fights like these take an ugly turn when one of you actually realize that your involvement is more in this relationship or when you are the one who is not able to be as affectionate as your lover.

The more the difference between your level of commitment increases the more your love grows “unequal”.

Inequality in a relationship in terms of attraction towards each other is the root problem for almost all the problems in a relationship. May it be about not giving proper time to the relationship, being clingy, or those you-don’t-care-anymore type fights. All of these come into play when one of the partners does not match up with the levels of commitment the other one has. A relationship works when it’s mutual or mature enough to handle affection disparity. In an unequal commitment both the halves suffer. Things get difficult, trivial issues leads to fights and take an unattractive shape all together. It’s important to know that love is not something that could be manipulated. Being in love for you feel it and being in love because you wish to be in are two different things. The latter case is dangerous and can lead to serious emotional repercussions.

If you are the one who is being loved and not able to give an equal involvement in your relationship problems at your end would be obviously less until you realize how much you are hurting the other half. It’s a critical bond if you don’t handle things well to work it out. What is it like when you get more and more attention from the other end for each and everything you do, say or simply for what you are and you are not even able to reciprocate well? It’s an awful feeling. Worst case is when you are unable to realize the obsession from the better half and is least concerned about it. You are clueless about the amount of pain you are giving to your lover and staining your relationship to the core.

You need to realize it there and then what’s going wrong. At times, it’s just the casual attitude towards the commitment that doesn’t allow you to look into the issues seriously. When you know you are in a relationship just because you think you in love or you respect the way you are being loved. Most of the times the special bond that flourishes during the initial phase doesn’t let you go off the tie. You are afraid to lose it all or you just cannot think of being away because you never thought of it.

After that every stupid fight for not making up in time on your date, forgetting special days, ignorant behavior to calls or text messages and when you start getting a feeling of being adored by someone you thought you just like. Misinterpretation of feelings is the main cause for falling for a wrong commitment. You know that you respect your own individuality first and then you significant half and without realizing the fact how your simple gestures means the world to them and you wonder at the end of the day what was so special about it? But still enjoys the feeling to be admired all this while.

Things get terribly wrong when you are answerable to questions never asked before, responsibilities you never felt like being bounded to. You get to know how difficult it gets to manage emotional distress and u feel someone is poking you up more than required. Then it becomes a mess and too complicated to be sorted out.

If you are the lover who is obsessed with whatever your spouse does a lot is coming your way. Either are patient enough to work this out or dominating enough to know you can do it. Mostly this is the case where unrequited love comes into play. When you feel you are in love just because you wish to love. A real love cannot exist without a base. Admiration without reciprocation is object love rather than a relationship. And an overdose of it leads to obsession. A slightest gesture from the beloved can send you into transports of ecstasy or to the depths of despair. Every word or action by the beloved is scoured for hopeful signs of reciprocity. You live in hope and suffer constant uncertainty about the feelings of the beloved.

Your insecurities would make you clingy and that would hurt the other end. In extreme cases one would feel really sorry for hurting the other half and would keep them to himself just because of the fear of losing him/her.

 Expectations are something that is inevitable in a relationship and in the case of imbalanced attraction these are difficult to handle by the couple. More expectations and less results would tarnish the beautiful bond you shared. And constant staining of the relationship withers away all the love you had!

It’s not that unequal love in a relationship doesn’t work at all. But there is a lot to do by both the lovers to take it forward.

 Communication is the basic key to handle your relationship. Whatever the problem crops up, talk it out. Spill out whatever you think needs to be shared and don’t restrict yourself because of fear of losing or the thought of hurting your spouse. Just say it out to understand each other and your relationship in a broader way.

Work things out by giving it a chance. See if you could compromise mutually and make sure it’s mutual. Expect less to give it a kick start and to regain the charm of your link like those rosy initial days of your courtship.

 Respect each other’s individuality. Feelings are to be felt and not forced upon. Take out solutions and work on it. Respect decisions and abide them accordingly.

Space helps. Give each other enough space to think to analyze and not hover around all the time. Don’t manipulate thoughts and feelings of the other half and make sure that you are genuinely loved for what you are and not for one want you to be.

Change in your persona is inevitable if you get into a relationship. But change for good. Change the way you like it to be not to be loved more. Change within limits which can be handled by you and people around you and not just according to that one special person.

And even after all these tools the situation doesn’t change you should give it a serious thought and move on.

Like the song “unequal love” says…

There are many, many reasons… Not to play the game at all
But in the meantime…you are bound to fall
'Cause your wounds are gonna heal…You're gonna learn just how to deal
With unequal love…Unequal love!